In a Memorial Garden, the Memories Grow

"When words escape, flowers speak," wrote poet Bruce W. Currie. Perhaps this is one reason gardens are installed as a way to keep memory alive. A floral memorial may not heal the heart, but it's a way to establish a living legacy for a departed soul.

Here is how our family chose to remember my wife's dad and sister four years ago. Perhaps our experience at planning and installing their memorial garden can be a guideline for those who want to honor a loved one in such a way. Some readers may recall that I have described this garden before; this seemed an appropriate time to revisit the subject.

The first thing we did was to get the whole family involved. We discussed the type of garden we wanted. Generally the theme was that it would be a place where people could relax, reflect and feel comfortable.

Tributes of this sort don't happen overnight, since it takes about a decade for a garden to begin to mature. Ours was installed over a period of a couple years, whenever we had the time, correct planting season and resources to do it. And, gardens don't end up being exactly what's on the design. That's where it starts. From there, a garden evolves.

We received approval to use a piece of land from my in-laws' house of worship. I drafted a design, made the necessary changes, and the installation process (read: family fundraising) began.

First we installed the hardscape -- the non-plant portions of the garden. This is always the initial step when putting in a garden. In this case, two benches and a walkway were the constructed environment. The benches we chose are heavy steel and bolted to concrete to keep them from being stolen. The walk, a meandering flagstone path, was designed to sweep around the benches and lead to a classroom door on the side of the main building.

The flagstone was set on stone dust. Were it not for the curves, the walk could have been a do-it-yourself project. Stone dust and flagstone are sold at many garden and home improvement centers. Because of the special cuts needed to lay flagstone in a serpentine pattern, a mason installed the walk. This was done in spring.

The next part of the installation was the softscape -- the planted part of the design. Being careful to avoid the roots of an existing yoshino cherry, we tilled the lawn, and added a two- to three-inch layer of composted organic material into the existing soil. Adding compost ensured that the soil would hold moisture but remain light and well drained.

Before we dug up existing sod, I sprayed it with glyphosate. It is sold under the names Roundup and Kleeraway. This chemical kills existing grasses, roots and all. Otherwise, lawn would have begun growing from the rototilled root pieces and created a weed problem.

Then we were ready to install plants. I designed woody shrubs to enclose the area and create an intimate space. They needed to be low enough to be inviting, about three to four feet tall, and dense enough to enclose the space. An Otto Luyken cherrylaurel hedge, a broadleaf evergreen with fragrant flowers, fit the requirement. To get the woody plants started before the perennials, the cherrylaurels were installed four feet apart as 18- to 24-inch plants. This was done the first year as the walkway was completed. The shrubs grew together in two years. The unplanted areas were reserved for annuals and perennials and left bare the first year.

We were lucky to have a grove of flowering cherries overhead, otherwise we would have needed to consider trees in the design, since they create the canopy of a garden.

Sun exposure for our garden is mixed. Part of it is in shade, with only three to four hours of sunlight. Another area of the garden receives five to six hours. The main caveat is that deer browse freely in this spot. That, more than any other circumstance, controls the plantings. Cherrylaurels have proven to be quite deer resistant.

A garden evolves, though. You sometimes can't foresee what your next challenge will be.

In spring we noticed that paths were being cut through the hedge, but by children rather than deer. So, the design evolved to include more woody shrubs. They had to be deer resistant and mass together in front of the cherrylaurels to act as a barrier. We chose harbor dwarf nandinas. Installed at 15 to 18 inches in height, they massed together and grew quickly to their maximum size of two to three feet each, covering the paths. These disease-free shrubs also add brilliant red winter foliage, red berries and white flowers in spring. Now we were ready to install the perennials.

In the shady part of the garden, we planted epimediums for early yellow flowers, oriental hellebores that flower in winter, autumn ferns (Dryopteris erythrosora) to blend with the nandinas and impatiens to guarantee color throughout the growing season. Each variety was repeated several times. I never design just one of each type of plant.

We planted an edging of lily-turf (Liriope muscari) along the flagstone walk. Where there's enough sun, we left lawn for some open space. Behind the benches are azaleas, Siberian irises and Japanese anemones for spring, summer and fall blooms respectively. A couple of globe thistles near the benches will keep people out of that part of the garden and should also attract finches.

On a Sunday in fall, we put on the finishing touches and placed a rock that we chose at a local stone supplier to mark the garden entry. We selected a pinkish colored boulder called Wakefield stone. The supplier chiseled out a flat spot and permanently affixed a bronze plaque we had made with the names of our loved ones and a dedication.

Regardless of the ongoing challenges associated with maintaining any garden, it is worth every bit of effort. This one has become a gathering place for congregants, where they can sit and remember, relax, reflect or simply visit with one another.